Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Lessons That Can Change My Life

My dear friend Meng Ng from Down Under sent me this (Lessons below) which I wish to share with all and sundry. Some of these illustrations....jokes....examples.....stories or whatever one wish to refer to them as, may be as old as the bald on our heads or the wrinkles beside our eyes. Yet it is interesting to see the philosophy behind it and the management lessons that can be derived from them. I honestly do not know the origins of these, but if your one of them, let us know so that we can acknowledge your ingenuity and applaud the genius in you...but please don't sue me for plagiarism.

Lesson 1

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up

her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself

in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there

stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob

says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." After thinking for a

moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.

After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps

back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the

bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next

door neighbor," she replies. "Great!" the husband says, "did he say

anything about the $800 he owes me?"

Management lesson: If you share critical information pertaining to

credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a

position to prevent avoidable exposure......and some embarrassment.

Lesson 2

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs,

forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his

hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.

The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest

apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak ." Arriving at the

convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the

priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek,

further up, you will find glory."

Management lesson: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity

Lesson 3

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to

lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie

comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish." Me

first! Me first!"says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the

Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Puff! She's gone.

Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in

Hawaii ,relaxing on the beach with my personal masse-use, an endless

supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Puff! He's

gone."OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager

says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Management lesson: Always let your boss have the first say. In fact let everyone have their say first.

Lesson 4

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small

rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do

nothing?" The eagle answered: "Sure, why not."So, the rabbit sat on

the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox

appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Management lesson: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up

Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get

to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the

energy." Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?"

replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients. "The turkey pecked

at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to

reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some

more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth

night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was

promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Management lesson: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there

Lesson 6

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the

bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was

lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the

frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize

how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there

all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat

heard the bird singing and came to investigate Following the sound,

the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly

dug him out and ate him.

Management lesson: Not everyone who sh!ts on you is your enemy. Not

everyone who gets you out of sh!t is your friend. And when you're in

deep sh!t, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

5 comments:

shanghaistephen said...

Ahhh...SUP, the long awaited post !!I almost wanted to go to the shout-box today !
Yes all these above jokes have been told countless times but more often we just laugh it off as a joke and continue yearning for more jokes...never the moral behind it !You take a very philosophical view (hey..thats your name,right ?) out of these stories or jokes tony, and that sort of takes the laughter out of it lah ! Chill bro, have a laugh and take one day at a time !Remember...laughter is a great medicine...for coughs, colds and headaches !hahahah !!!(that's plagarising your line !)
cheers!

stephanie said...

very interesting.. i must tell my friend douglas 2 read this and tell his friends bout it as well..

steph

Mat Salo said...

Tony!

Had a kick-out of this one. Ha-ha.

tony -stand-up philosopher said...

Hi ShanghaiF,
Was away in Bangkok...you can never imagine what a break and a holiday in B'kok can do to stimulate your senses..hahahaha

Steph,
Douglas needs to understand this since he just entered the corporate world of reptiles and vultures...and you to since you'll be joining them soon. Tc

Hello En Mat S,
Nice to hear from you bro. Hope to catch up maybe after Raya? Selamat Berbuka Puasa brudder!

Kak Teh said...

Thanks, I really needed this as I have not been able to laugh or smile since the pervert/beast took Nurin away.