Monday, February 26, 2007

Have The BALLS To Seize It.

I was at the Eurasian Club, along Jalan Pudu in Kuala Lumpur, last Sunday. It was the monthly lunch get-together for members and guests. Food and drinks galore with good music and dancing. Its a must place to be. Good food. Affordable drinks. Friends a-plenty. A little ...a lot of gossip. Always a fun afternoon to wile the Sunday away.
Amidst the drinking, dancing and singing, I noticed, from a distance, two charming ladies talking. That very moment , the band played the Club's favourite song, a Tammy Wynette hit, 'Stand By Your Man'. The dance floor was packed and almost everyone were elbowing for room to dance. As I watched these two ladies, I thought to myself, 'shall I ask one of them for a dance'. I hesitated. As the song drew to its conclusion, I meandered my way towards these ladies. Trying to behave as macho as possible, I gestured as if I was in no hurry, and said, 'I wanted to ask one of the two most pretty ladies in the club for a dance, but alas, the music has ended'. 'And why did it took you so long to ask either one of us for a dance?' asked Iris, one of the ladies. I sheepishly replied, 'I didn't think either one of you would want to dance seeing that you were deep in conversation'. Jacqui, the other lady said, 'You never ask, you'll never know. And since you did not ask, you'll never know right?' Then Jacqui told me something that really hit me like ten tequila shots ready to explode in your head. She said, 'You know Tony, many people asked me why I married a foreigner'. My reply was always this. 'Because none of you Malaysians had the BALLS to ask me to'. Wow! A kick in the teeth. Lost with words, and I'm usually not, I made my way back to the 'guys' corner and continued our drinking sessions.
It got me thinking. How true in life. When opportunity presents itself to us we either do not see it or we do not have the BALLS to seize it. Most of the time we are afraid of the objections and the challenges that come with anopportunity. And because of the fear of rejection, ridiculed, hard work, we trade in the riches that could come with this opportunity and settle for mediocrity. Whats worst, we try and justify our mediocre living because we were too afraid or too blind to seize the opportunity.
So thank you Jacqui and Iris. My Sunday at the Eurasian Club was an afternoon to remember. An afternoon that thought me that "Opportunity knocks on the door but once while temptations lie at the door step".


zorro said...

Yeah, wasted chances. Yes, Tony, the asian mindset....we tell ourselves that we will fail even before trying. The infernal WHAT IF? is the normal stumbling block. Probably lack of self-esteem. This again our asian upbringing. As kids we were told it is no good to brag. We were told to shut up....children should be seen and not heard...children were shooed upstairs when adult visitors came visiting. As icebreakers when I conduct seminars, I ask participants to brag about themselves. And I tell them getting married and having twins is nothing to brag about....I wanted and forced them to really boasts about themselves. When we feel good about ourselves positiveness overflow.
Most of our kids are brought up timid. Right and wrong is only by the parents standards. I used to get my regular supply of Playboy when it was banned. It was on the coffee table and Patrina and Kevin leafed through them. When one of Kevin's primary school friend leafed thru one copy, he instinctly closed it, with the word, "Dirty picture." Kevin's rejoinder was as expected: "what's dirty...your mum and my mun has them." Early, we should teach our kids about the human form and their functions, otherwise they will learn it from undesirable and unreliable source. So it is actually our up-bringing, the prudish asian filial-piety (not that it is bad)thingy that have moulded our behavior and our thinking. But of course if your pick up line(s) sucks, your overtures will be rebuffed. Remind me, I have some examples of some stupid Malaysian male pick-up lines. The girls do better at picking up dates. I might blog on this as a distraction.

Allied said...

Zorro...err, can I cheers you?
Well this was a line that , a popular Male model used on my wife whilst we were out at Branigans...

Tony. You are on a roll....


Anonymous said...

Tony... Tony..!!#@!
What happened between then & now..!!@#?/?
You used your diving headers in defending .. so, I would've thought it natural, and expected, for you to dive "head-long" (in attack mode now, to suit the times) at chatting up Iris and Jacqui...!!! Erh.. don't ask me which head, tho'.
Mine's spinning!


J.T. Martin said...

Good insight Tony. We must always try to grab opportunities as it comes along. Although I said that Malaysian men did not have the balls to ask me out, I must make an exception to one or two in the past. They had the guts to ask me out but stalled on making a commitment. Years later, after I am married and I meet them, they make a comment like "if only I could turn back time". It is too late. My comment about a settling down with a foreigner was in no way putting Malaysian men down. Circumstances in life happens and we just move on. I believe the next path I took after being 'burned' by previous experiences only made me stronger and willing to try something else.
I hope the 'kick in the teeth' was not that brutal. I would have danced with you.

stand-up philosopher said...

I'm glad our paths crossed. My life is wealthier from that experience. Even amidst the din all around, that episode taught me more than I can phantom. I hope we meet again and if I don't, God bless you always.

Its not that I've lost it. The ladies have become smarter and sharper. They play well in the men's game and many times emerge the victor. I've come to realise over the years that if a guy is successful in picking up woman/lady from where ever, its not that the guy succeeded, its the lady that wanted it to happen. So forget our macho attitude and give the ladies their fair share of credit.

Kata Tak Nak said...

When I read your posting it was like deja vu. I've been through countless missed opportunities like that and if I were to relate to you some of my experiences, you would call me me an arsehole.

Some would say I was a little late and some would say the music stopped but the lady was right, most of us men just don't have the balls. The biggest fear was rejection. I am being frank here, I lost all those opportunities because I was just damn scared of rejections.

Anyway thanks for drifting into my blog and hope to hear more from you.

As for those missed opportunities, no point knocking yourself senseless, these things happens and they happen to more men then we think its just that some just do not want to admit it.

Bye hope to hear from you

J.T. Martin said...

Tony, I hope I did not come on too strong when we spoke. I was just being myself. I am aware that my candor could have sometimes been a negative trait for some guys who were trying to be brave... poor things. By the way, I like what you said at the end of your blog "Opportunity knocks on the door but once while temptations lie at the door step". So true. We rather bend down and pick up the temptations on the door step than greet the opportunities that stare us right in the face when we open the door. Tony, we will meet again, someday... somehow. In the meantime, thanks for this blogspot. It gives me the opportunity to stay in touch and voice my opinions even though I may be thousands of miles away from "tanah tumpahnya darahku".

Anonymous said...

O, no Tony. Not for 1 second will I dare suggest you've "lost it". I have the highest respect for the female gender in the man-woman equation in life. I would also be one of the last to go proclaim that men control the game, supposedly macho and all that. The ladies have NOT BECOME smarter - they JUST ARE... and I dare say always been, too! IMHO, it's the ladies who hold the cards, and I believe there are very many men, much more than we think, who shrink when opportunities present themselves, they fail to rise up to it, and then later kick themselves for not having the balls. 8-)


A Voice said...


U know how noisy bar room can get. Perhaps we've been hearing the song as "stand by yr balls"

Thats somethign new and just made enrich my life experiance